On taking a break
Lately in therapy we’ve been talking about my decision to stop taking Zoloft after just three bizarre months on it (not recommended for all, YMMV, speak to your psychiatrist before making any changes to your medication, end commercial), and how I want to spend the next year learning how to process my depression and anger, but mostly anger that stems from feeling generally worthless, disposable by society, and powerless. We talked about how that anger, because I’m not a fucking sociopath, manifests as self-destructive behaviors, all across the spectrum.
So if I actually want to get this fucking doctorate—which will be seven goddamn years in the making—and study for the MCAT and apply to med schools (goal: Denver) after that, and write a collection of essays on physiological mechanisms and do research I love and make enough money to survive again (aka NOT standup comedy), I need to take a break from a lot of things, including Tumblr.
I don’t know when I’ll be back. Not that it matters. Writing all of this feels really narcissistic. For the time being, I need to find another place to curate the beautiful things in life, and I have a feeling that shit needs to come from within.